Beth's ruptured spleen., Truthful Tuesday: Whiny, Lazy, Numb, & Shitty Christmas Edition.

Truthful Tuesday: Whiny, Lazy, Numb, & Shitty Christmas Edition.

It takes me a long time to get around to doing anything. I know I planned on taking the wallpaper down in my living room when I first moved in and then painting the walls. I took 4 years to get the wallpaper down, and we’re on year 2 of bare walls. It takes me a long time to get ready in the morning. … bath, because showers are too much of fucking luxury, iron my many layers of giant clothes, iron girl’s clothes, blow dry thick, long, matted hair, put on make up, straighten hair, get dressed, get girl dressed, do her hair, breakfast for us both, and preparing for every possibility that may be confronted that day, I’m exhausted before I get out of bed so I just end up not doing anything. I wish I wasn’t so vain and could just cut my hair short & not wear make up, that would save so much stress. Every one and every thing seems to be moving in a whirl around me and I’m moving at a snail’s pace. It’s hard to motivate myself to do anything quickly. It takes ages to respond to texts (although I’ve really improved recently). I have a box full of unsent Christmas and birthday cards. I have an email from 2008 that I’m still trying to respond to. I feel like there’s an endless amount of details playing through my mind for every situation I may find myself in, so I feel exhausted before I even get started

Holidays are so meaningless to me. I buy Rachel presents and go along with it for her and I buy presents for other people to keep the peace and not offend, but for me, nothing. I feel nothing.

I haven’t felt awake for a long time, more like I’m stuck in a dull, dreamy haze.

I hate that I’m expected to buy Christmas presents for grown ass people who have tons more than I do. I guess I was spoiled with my family in that Christmas presents was mainly about kids, so you didn’t have to worry about adults. I don’t begrudge people who get into Christmas, though. Christmas decorations do not offend me at all. I don’t care if you keep them up all year round.

Why is it the better off a person is the worse the Christmas presents they buy are? I remember when one of my aunt’s and uncle’s business was doing really well and they were rolling in it. That Christmas my aunt wrapped little individual pieces of cheap chocolate, roughly the size of a thumb, and gave that out to me, my brother, and cousins for Christmas. It was just so rude

I used to buy my friends at school thoughtful gifts and get such shitty ones in return. I remember one year, I bought this bitch a Barbie and some Lisa Frank stickers and she gave me a pen! A fucking pen! Again, another rich kid. This year everyone is getting cop out gifts. Fucking cheap chocolate and maybe an off brand bubble bath. Fuck it!